the thing with life is...
you should never try to mold it to your expectancies....
never take it for granted
and be totally open for change and surprises.
At times you will feel like you are soaring straight through unclouded skies....
a straight white line with purpose and destination....
smoothly. Fast. Young and crazy. Powerful.
I guess that is why I like Dance so much. You get into a rhythm, you start swaying... letting yourself move to its beat... and when the music suddenly changes... you change your step without faltering...
in a split of a second, the mood, the style, the whole thing has changes... but the flow hasn´t... and if your sensibility and perception where unhindered, neither has your dance.
Its the big picture we are unaware of as we cruise... we only get to understand life, as life... later... looking back at things, seeing how one relates to the other... seeing what change of events finally leed to. The whole, as opposed to the parts. The bue sky as well as the clouds that are a part of it.
I,
was once again at the cruising stage... the white line on the blue sky, enjoying Finland, confident... with friends. Over where the white cold clouds of my first winter. Looking at my diary I see, of course... ups and downs... doubt, confusement .... worries... but in the overall they are swept away by wonder, excitement.. and self-confidence.
I was savouring the joys of life. =D
travels in south America depicts
perfectly what I was feeling at this moment (since it was drawn many years later it very well proves that SAVOURING life has always been one of my hobbies =D Funny thing is, though, that when it was drawn, I had been a whole week without money and therefore very little food... I was in Argentina, looking at a restaurant / bar where people sat and savoured good healthy courses... oftentimes leaving on the plate half what they had got. In my mind I imagined the food orgy I was very much in need of =D
Anyway, in Finland at this point there was no scarcity,
I was truly rocking
and rolling =D
Life was a blast, but it - or should I say I, did have SOME
purpose.
Amidst all the partying and fun, I made sure that my grades dindn´t falter... I relentlessly continued drawing and searching for beauty, I did a lot of sport and often went to the movies =D
After dotting a million pages... long and assiduous job... I decided there must be a better way to achieve the perfect smooth surfaces I was aiming for.... and bought myself an airbrush.
With time and a lot of practice I slowly approached my vision,
and goal.
I am quite sure, that in the bliss of the tremendous moments I was having, I might have made myself an ass on more than one occasion... THAT is the beauty of being young, THAT is the beauty of being recklessly happy. You just do, without hesitation or second guessing.
without much effort, I did get my hat...
which I believe was, in many ways a tremendous victory ... considering how difficult it actually was for me to move from spain in the early 80´s... and the fact that I had to study in a language that was certainly not my mother tongue - despite it having been the tongue my mother spoke =D
There is something strange, however, about achieving goals...
Its like... the journey is over...
the path comes to an end and suddenly you are at a crossroad... unable to continue savouring the joy of auto-pilot... of movement without effort... of rolling down a grassy hill and just letting go, enjoying the moment. You stand still.
in truth, your life is still rolling... but your mind thinks its not.
You feel you have to think... take control... figure out the next step.
Many years later, I would learn in Brazil
how joyful it is not to have a destination,
or a plan. just sit under a palm tree and let
life unfold.
At this stage of my wandering though... I felt I quickly needed a next goal.
Not being too sure of where I wanted to go with my life... I decided it was the perfect moment to get my compulsory army training done with...
I don´t know if I had seen too many movies - I believe "officer and a gentleman" did cause some impact on me.
I don´t know if it was the article on the news stating I was a gentleman ( see -you paint yourself, finland, 2 "time of hooligans is over")...
but I had a strong feeling my next step was to become an officer.
I was also tired of being Paajanen (a true Finish name) without speaking Finish! =D, which is why I applied to be posted at a Finish speaking garrison - Santahamina.
Craziest thing one can do is go to the army for a language course!
Young, reckless and on a winning lucky feeling... I jumped into this new adventure, making sure I was in the front row! =D =D =D
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