Thursday 20 November 2014

You paint yourself - NY : Bailandoooo.... una noche loca

                                                     My romance with Marylin started when
                                                    I was 16, give or take some years... cause I am bad with remembering dates
 (as well as names... even though this time I am sure I got it right! =D

I was a collector of her pictures, and I believe I had a poster of her. Actually many, but one a real favourite- yes....exactly,
          the one with her trying to control her wild skirt as the subway charges somewhere underneath her.

The same subway that would enable me to stand beside her, at Pratt Manhattans art show of upcoming talents, many years later, and smile. I had made it, to the big apple.To the glamour and excitement of USA´s most intense city. To the key of the American dream!

However... the road to this final show was not smooth, easy or even in any way. Definitely not. Starting with the day I arrived.... to Brooklyn.

   I have always been blue eyed... and walked in clouds of pink.... and so my horror when my cab stopped at the Willoughby apartments can be more easily understood. I had been warned about cab drivers in NY, that they drive around for hours knowing the tourist has no idea where he is, and so make triple or quadruple earnings. This one had done that....yes,  but what really scared me was that he had stopped at a place that did not resemble at all what I had expected from a University ranked among the top 5 of the states. I looked out in horror at what seemed to me to be a ghetto.... and was sure the cab driver was gonna call some thug friends of his and start some gruesome party with petrified me. "You must be wrong" I whined.... I want you to take me to PRATT!!!! Where the hell are we???? "This is it, my man" he said.... and so it was.

     The ghetto continued into the dorms, which I recall now as a chilling block of concrete with dirty corridors and graffiti all around. I really could not believe where I had landed as I dragged with a droopy head my suitcase to my appointed room... it felt like a nightmare. And my room!!!!!what a joke to even call it that... I remember thinking that cells in the movie Alcatraz looked cosier than where I was standing. As my body went numb, and cold.... and horror spread through my cells... my brain worked frantically grasping for solutions...."call home and get the hell out of here ASAP" it hollered. Over and over the same text. Stronger and stronger for every chill that ran through my body.

    Which is when I saw the view from my window.... and a small but mean looking Mexican walked into the room.....
                                         this view with zoom and probably months after
                                         my initial shock.

                                                      Rodolfo, a true Tenochtitlan warrior.... here
                                                    months later dressed up as Sinuhe =D

 I guess it is true when they say, its not where you are, but with who... that makes the difference.

( In all honesty I must say, I did call home... and it was my Father who convinced me to try and stay. Its like with a book, he said... you have to read a hundred pages before you judge it.... so calm down, relax and attend some classes... let the thing grow on you... THEN we can see if you still want to come home).

                                         And so I stayed, and started life-long friendship with
                                         Rudy - alias Xô coyote to me.

He was the sportsman... a black belt in some Fu style... that trained whenever he was not doing homework, siesta, or eating.
                                         Oh, forgot to mention... or saving my ass! (but I guess that could be included in his training part! =D)

    I was the party animal.... and sometimes trained with him.

With Rudy we walked outside, late at night, on the streets of Brooklyn - when no one else dared... looking for ice cream: Häagen Dazs it had to be, from a little shop on Flatbush... I believe. On our side we had that we spoke together in Spanish (thus mingled a bit easier with the local environment) and as a back-up we had his raw martial talent - which, luckily... we never had to put to test.

We also walked together to the laundry place, carrying big bags full of dirty clothes over our shoulders... calling the bulks our sins.... =D
 Both having been raised in catholic environments... we knew all about that and liked to laugh at the weight of the ones we had to carry =D
Not really sure what sins Rudy was carrying... but I do know where some of mine might have come from....

Rudy had made sure I joined no fraternity... that was totally un-cool. But this did not stop me from attending their parties. For some weird reason... I was allowed in.... and it was Rudy who made sure I always came out alive from them. Because of the pitchers that were emptied at these happenings, I have no real sense of how many times Rudy had to save me... or the reason for him having to do so. But One happening I remember... vaguely. Seems I had been flirting with some fraternity guy´s girl... and she had done the same back... which caused the "brothers" to go beezerk, get together and try to throw me out. I was at the bar, with a full pitcher I had just got my hands on, and diplomatically tried to explain to them that I would leave when finished... also that it was unfair to put all the blame on me when the girl had given enough hints of liking me - not a good thing to try and reason with! They stood ferociously forming a growling circle around me... waiting for a clear reason to break my neck. THAT... is when Rudy walked in. =D =D =D  With the killing machine beside me I got to slowly, very slowly and really enjoying my time... drink up my beer and give them my good nights - never having to ponder on what might have happened next if my friend had not stood by my side.

Another of Rudy´s tasks was to try and clear my sight when my beer goggles were too dense. He would come to the local bar late at night.. about closing time... to get some fresh air into his head after home-working. And so he would find me making my moves on some girl I had decided might be fun to spend the night with. We had agreed that he would try and judge... would this girl be someone I would like when sober... in other words... was the booze clouding my judgement. And usually it was!!!! Sometimes he managed to save me... others I woke up the next day somewhere and realised my friend had failed... to my utter horror!!! =D

One time though, I realised my error long before sunrise. I had made it to this exotic girls apartment despite Rudy´s warnings... and after sweating away my beer in bed decided it would be nice to go home and sleep the buzz off. This did not seem to please exotic (I recall her saying she was Russian)... who asked me what the hell I was doing. I told her... going home... she got all worked up and asked me if I thought she was a slut.I told her we were both adults, wanted the same thing, and no money had been exchanged for the fun... so no... she deffinitely was no such thing. We discussed a benefits and such but all the time she got more upset... so I just left. Once on the deserted early morning street... thanking all the gods for my goood fortune at having escaped and not having fallen asleep at that place... I hear she has come out to a balcony and see her waving a bow and arrow... saying she is gonna hunt me down!  CRAZY Diana in full wrath...
       this wasjust at the time the movie "fatal attraction" made a success... so I was thinking here might be a good sequel for Michael Douglas as I ran away.... I did not run straight home... fearing the huntress might be close on my steps... and find my haven... so I zigzagged and probably jogged my way through most part of Brooklyn before I ventured home. If I recall correctly... she had already been there... or did she come another day... and Rudy had explained to her there was no mike to be found.

That same week... when I came home... I found something hanging from the roof of my apartment... oozing what seemed to me to be blood. As I stared at it in awe and wonder... Rudy approached behind me with a kitchen knife.... imitating the horror music njeek njeek njeek from the Fatal attraction movie... and scaring the bells out of me. After that we renamed exotic and called her psycho B, someone to be feared whenever roaming the streets of our neighbourhood... or hitting local bars.

Guessing you already can picture where my bag of sins got its content from.... bailandoooooo!!!! bailandoooo!!!!

Anyway.... I found a picture that might fit here after all this pitcher talk =D

                                         even though its  with Andrew and Mike... who belonged to my Manhattan group of friends....
           which is part....of another story. ;)


                                           For now, I had found myself a soul-mate who shared with me life, with its ups and downs.... ate with me gigantic breakfasts to ease my hangovers and
    totally understood the fact that we are who we are.... no judging needed... and if we accept that,                                              and carry our bags of sins laughing with a friend....
                                              life becomes joyfull and worth living - even in the roughest of places
                                                                       =D
             

         


     


Saturday 8 November 2014

Looking at the light

                                                     I have been looking at the darkness...
                                                     for a while now.

 I mean, when I start to paint.

I like to start by dividing the canvass... with the use of two, sometimes three colours. I work for about an hour, mostly feeling, but during my brief pauses balancing things up with the use of logic. And I have used earth and dark tones for this, following the traditional recipe.

Once the hour is up... I gaze into the darkness I have created.... my instinct and fantasy freely interpreting and providing me images I can pick from in order to proceed. Its the most interesting part of creation... not knowing what you are going to do... and having a million options in front of you.

In Life, this seems to scare us. I guess it is because when we don´t know what to do... we tend to forget that we have a million options ahead to choose from. Instead of savouring the moment... we go numb... and our body and mind simply paralize.

Today... I decided to break Tradition!
              I started of with one bright colour... simply because when I looked into the can where it is kept... I noticed it was drying up. Is this what happens in life too???? Can all the bright and colourful options ahead of us start drying up.... if we just stare into the darkness????


   Tradition is meant to be there, as a guide and teacher... something to look back upon and learn from... but NEVER to hold us back. As soon as it starts working as an anchor.... we must do something about it... I am certain we are not meant to stand still > even though that usually is the safest and easiest way to go about our lives.

So I am now going to stare into the light... and see what happens to my painting. A first gaze at what I have done already filled me with positive energy...  
 
                                          my first options are there, bright and inviting
                                         now I just need to pick
                                          and proceed.... into the light!

It could possibly become a young boy.... 

asleep on his desk from too much study...
 It is certainly something I have pondered on.
Like... why do we accept to live in a society that is built up around productivity - with gains for the few! Study, study, study.... and then work, work... WORK. We are taught and brought up with the notion that rest is something to be earned by sweat,
                                            fun something to do on holidays....
 when really ALL days are holly... and life is meant to be savoured and enjoyed. BURN OUT is a new disease, little talked about... but worryingly lethal and widespread.... now also amongst the very young. Something worthwhile thinking about.

It could also be about a couple sleeping together,

Their heads almost like one, hands still feeling each others warmth.
A reminder of how important physical contact is for well being. A call for us to learn the importance of touching and embracing each other... letting our friends and family feel our warmth, our love. I think people tend to forget about that.... in their stress, in their hurry. they live together but slowly drift appart... eachone in their own space... same house... yet still so far appart.


Or it could simply become a minotaur,
  resting at midday after a good lunch, under the shade of a tree.
taking a siesta. Just a fun image... with no critique behind it. Like Matisse used to say, a piece, that when you look at it - is restful as a good sofa. 

THAT, is definitely my view, of what art needs to be today!!!! 
No controversy, no irritation...(there is enough of that in our hectic lives)
... but  plain comfort and love.  

And so I play... in the light. For a couple of days the minotaur is worked on... warm relaxing siesta taking over the feeling of my ateliejé....
yet Picasso's mysterious woman haunts me... and slowly starts to creep back into the minotaurs day dream... I struggle with the combination...
I obsess...
 I HAVE TO MAKE IT WORK!!!!

                                                   fortunately Inda knows how to play...
                                                                in the light....

  She points me in the right direction...
Don´t force things in life! Go... with the flow. Light, feeling, let things come to you....
be curious and grab to what comes along... play with this
                                                                           play with that - dont obsess!!!!

                         so, for a while.... I play with another mysterious woman that I believe to be,
                                     amazingly beautiful....
                                                       
                                          Also about rest... this one at night. I simply love
                                        the way she seems to be floating in the air... or under water...

Picasso has the talent of saying so much, with so little. 

I move along... a bit slowed down by a flu...
     my powers gone.I know what I want... but don´t have the strength to go for it. I rest. And wait. We should deffinitely be thankfull for our health!


Today I woke up, not in prime condition yet... but better...
                                                                    ready to play!
                                          Mystery You... I´m coming to get you!!!!! 

Easier... when not attached.... not afraid. I let my
playful me free....
and she is there!

probably not ready yet....
    but enough... for NOW....  

because I have to move on and play
                                                       now that I am feeling stronger!

                            HAPPY FATHERS day... I say...
                                                           and start yet another PICASSO =D